I’ve been fantasizing about gangbangs a lot lately. More than being with women even! The last one I did was last August, so it’s been a while and I feel a little nervous about doing another. That’s probably why it turns me on right now. The thought of doing it feels novel again.
Several months ago my husband found a scientific paper on the “economics of swinging”. When he first told me about it I laughed. Math and economics aren’t something I find very interesting, but he convinced me to read it. I admit that a lot of it was over my head - OK, it quickly overwhelmed me with all the statistics, tables, and citations, so I had my husband to tell me the short version. Yes, there was a lot of focus on economics, but the part that interested us the most was the theory for why people swing.
In essence, it says that swingers are generally novelty seeking people. We often start with “soft swinging”, having sex with your partner with another couple in the same room. If the experience is good then we continue doing it until it becomes routine. Once it is routine it no longer excites us so we move to full swinging. This leads to people to doing more and more extreme sexual acts - at least until there’s a bad experience and then we stop.
My husband LOVES science so I definitely saw his interest in the paper and we discussed it quite a bit. Sometimes he gets so caught up in the numbers and details that I lose interest, but other times it leads to incredibly interesting conversations. This was one of those times.
I won’t pretend to understand everything, or even most, of the paper, but given my sexual lifestyle and what I assume are the interests of the people reading this blog, my husband and I thought it would be interesting to bring up the topic and get people thinking about how novelty seeking behavior affects us and whether it applies to our (or your) situation.
The paper talks a lot about people moving to “harder” sexual behaviors. It is upfront that you can’t quantify “harder”, but some things can generally be agreed upon. For example, it seems fair to say that having sex with other people is harder than having sex with your partner while in the same room as other people. A gangbang is probably more hardcore than a threesome. After that things get kind of fuzzy so we tried coming up with our own rankings.
Is a gangbang more “hard” than an orgy? We thought so. Is BDSM more hard than a gangbang? We thought it depends. In our opinion, tying up your partner is BDSM and seems a lot more mild than even having sex with your own partner in front of others. To us whipping seems more hardcore than a gangbang. Where does wearing a collar fit in? Is a bukkake more hardcore than a gangbang? We thought so. Is an anal / pussy DP more hardcore than oral / pussy? For some reason, we thought it was.
My husband and I agree with most of the paper. A common theme among swingers is they got started to spice up their sex life. I think that was true to a large extent for us, too. What doesn’t seem to “ring true” is that most swingers don’t keep escalating their sexual behavior. Most never go further than orgies. A few explore BDSM, but we don’t see a lot of people chaining each other up and pulling out whips. Very few swingers try gangbangs either. Bukkake, where a bunch of guys cum on a woman’s face, is extremely rare (we’ve never seen it done ourselves).
Ultimately what we came to was trying to define what was more hardcore really didn’t matter. What mattered is do you end up doing things you didn’t want to do? For us, and for nearly everyone we know, the answer is no. When we started swinging I knew watching gangbang videos turned me on, but there was no way I was going to start out doing one. DP videos turned me on, but I wasn’t going to try that at first either. It seems that people have things that turn them on and when they get involved with swinging they end up trying those things. Women that were turned off by orgies before they started swinging don’t suddenly become interested in doing them after they start swinging.
To us this seems to differentiate alternative sexual lifestyles from addictive behavior. People in alternative sexual lifestyles don’t keep trying new sexual behaviors in search of a better high or to escape. We certainly have lower inhibitions and are thrill seekers at least to some extent, but people seem to get involved mostly knowing what things turn them on. They progress through their fantasies from what they consider “softest” to “hardest”. Along they way they modify their opinions slightly, but rarely do they expand beyond that.
What are your thoughts?